Redefining Parenthood and Ambition in STEM

For decades, there has been an unspoken "gold standard" for women in STEM: you will perform exceptionally and do so while fitting seamlessly into the current culture. And if you want to be a parent, you may so long as your productivity doesn’t dip and parenthood "hinder" the pursuit of excellence in science.

Now, none of this is remotely possible in the real world, but women continue to be asked to perform a  biological and emotional version of parenthood that doesn’t exist. But even attempting this performance comes at a staggering cost. It reinforces a system where "commitment" is measured by self-sacrifice and self-erasure, and where boundaries are viewed as a lack of ambition.

I recently coached a new faculty member navigating one of the most intense transitions of her life: starting a high-stakes new role while pregnant. She felt the weight of this “gold standard” legacy. She expressed the fear of how she would be perceived, the anxiety over how her pregnancy choices would be judged, and the simple, honest reality: I am going to be tired and I still love what I am studying! 

We talked about the courage it takes to stop over-delivering as one of the many ways women are expected to “compensate” for being a woman and a mother in STEM.

Deciding you will not perform seamlessness is a powerful, subversive act. By refusing to over-perform to prove their worth, new parents are building a new bridge for the next generation. They are modeling a world where you can be a world-class scientist and a present parent without having to apologize for the intersection of the two. They are shifting the definition of a "successful" academic from someone who sacrifices everything for the lab to someone who integrates their whole self into their work.

Transitioning into a faculty role is a massive life shift. Transitioning into parenthood is another. Doing both at once is an act that will take great care and one that certainly they will flourish in both. 

My work with leaders in STEM is centered on the belief that we don't have to choose between our humanity and our brilliance. When we stop trying to hide the "tired," the "human," and the "parent," we stop pretending that the current system is working. And that is exactly where the transformation begins.

This blog post draws from real coaching that Erin-Kate Escobar Consulting conducted, working within STEM fields for over 10 years and utilized Duck AI’s Claude Haiku to help organize ideas.