5 ways to practice more presence with colleagues
“Just come over."
Those three words from my dear childhood friend carried more wisdom than I realized at the time. No plan, no agenda, no need to have what we'd be doing mapped out. Just... we'll hang and that will be enough.
She recently passed away, and I'm sitting with all the times I said I'd stop by her house—one block away—and got distracted by something else instead. In my grief, I'm learning something crucial: We can choose presence over agenda.
The “perfect” plan
Yes, we live in a world that values a plan, and our human selves sometimes feel taken care of when we know what is coming. If there is anything that we have learned from our pandemic years, though, It’s pretty hard to plan for the unknowns of the future.
I work with organizations to help them create more meaningful meeting agendas and dive deeper into the real purpose behind the event they're hosting, building intentionality into something that has maybe just always happened. While intentionality has its place—I love Priya Parker's work on purposeful gatherings—there's something we lose out on when we don’t have the just come hang out type of connections. (Yes, even at work.)
5 Examples of What Presence Can Look or Feel Like at Work:
In meetings, presence means sitting with what each person is actually experiencing rather than multitasking while "looking engaged." It's noticing when someone reacts to something someone else said and checking in, even if it's not on the agenda.
During larger gatherings, presence is showing up for the humans in the room instead of mentally racing through our to-do lists. It's having one meaningful conversation with someone rather than networking our way through the entire party. I know big gatherings can feel overwhelming, full of surface-level conversations and pressure to be "on." But they can also be invitations to practice presence.
Building a weekly office practice. Presence can be building in office hours or stop by hours with treats or tea/coffee (think of an incentive that would bring people to a meeting spot), where people can just stop in to talk through what’s up for them. The focus is on connecting.
Make the most of daylight hours. Reach out to a colleague for a walk or roll. You could have something in mind you want to talk about, but it could just be a catch-up walk. I can’t tell you how much “business” gets done in building relationships and getting to know people casually. If you’re in a cold climate, find an indoor location like a mall for a walk or if you’re in a milder climate, take advantage of some outdoor time.
Try co-working. Yes, this is just sharing space, setting aside some time for a catch-up, and then hitting a timer and both focusing on projects that have been harder to get done. This can be IRL in the same room or coffee shop or via online video platform (currently writing this post from a Zoom co-working session as I type!). We check in after the timer goes off to hear how it went, talk through anything that could be helpful to get feedback on, and then we dive back into projects.
The Both/And of Planning and Presence
I can hold space for both: an event with deep meaningful intention with all the details planned AND the beautiful unplanned "just come hang and let's see what unfolds." Both have their place. Both can be acts of care.
The key is recognizing when we've tipped too far toward agenda-driven interactions and away from simply being with each other. When preparation becomes a barrier to connection rather than a support for it.
This Season's Invitation
This winter season is an invitation to practice being less agenda-oriented and more present. What if we showed up for the humans we're with—including ourselves—right where we are?
What do we need to do (how do we resource ourselves) to be able to show up this way? Maybe it means:
Going to fewer events so we can be fully present at the ones we choose
Building in transition time between meetings to actually connect with people
Asking "How are you, really?" and waiting for the real answer
Taking care of our own human needs without apology
Saying "just come over" to someone we've been meaning to connect with
Just Come Over
Holding sweetly my dear friend who passed away and will continue to teach me that sometimes the most radical thing we can do is simply be together without a plan. To trust that our presence—imperfect, agenda-less, human—is enough.
Hope you’ll reach out to a friend or colleague for a let’s just catch up, beverage, walk, or co-work time.
Just come over. Just be here. It will be enough.
